My Life In A Shoebox

Last night I had a dream that I was with the girl I want to be with.

I recollect two things:

1) I held her tightly in my arms crossing a street at night thinking to myself "the whole world fits inside of my arms".

2) We walked into a building and she lit a cigarette, and this girl detests smoking.

She'd be mad when I'd smoke in front of her when we were together. And I never did until right before we broke up, and it was because I thought I was a bad ass and wasn't going to change something. This was immaturity as if it needed clarification. Was the thought of her smoking some kind of representation of the stress I've caused her? Earlier I had been talking to Nora about having that rock, that one person that is 200% behind you. A lot of time I see that with people, especially but not limited to relationships. That person. Well as much as an asshole as I probably sounded to one of my best friends last night I don't have that rock. There's only one person who could be that, the smoking non-smoker. Instead I feel like I'm being pushed into a metaphorical crypt of cardboard under her bed which might as well have "you're dead to me" encrypted in Sharpie. I don't want to be that, I just want her to stick around.