28 posts from December 2006

The Souls tonight were amazing, I'll write more when I'm feeling less paralyzed and the terror alert on my body odor is reduced to normal. This little bloggy is dedicated to a girl I saw walking down 4th Avenue right near Union Square, she was actually so tan I wanted to stop her and ask how in fact she got so tan. Well on the same block I saw a similarly basketball colored creature and just let it go laughing to myself. See here's the info people we live in an area with four seasons and the only thing rarer than a December in New York City without snow is getting that great day-after-Christmas tan on the Great Lawn. You look like a moron! I can understand people go tanning maybe once or twice a month however if you sleep or bathe in some sort of contraption that emits radiation into your skin for hours upon hours a week the whole year round, well hey guess what Prancy Prance when you act 33, talk like you're 33 and maybe even smell like you're 33 you're going to look 45. Tanning beds emit so much UVB that it is actually changing your skin's DNA. And when Mister or Misses Melonoma comes knocking you'll know what gave her your address! So all in all I've decided to end this rant with a rant from my favorite ranter... 

"You, my friend, you look so damn leathery, I'm honestly tempted to wrap you 'round a baseball, sinch you up with a belt, and stick you under my mattress for the big game on Sunday, but since I'm here to heal, not judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of prescriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help you pound some sense into yourself, this second one is for a big floppy hat that you are now to wear every single time you leave the house. Have a great day, ya look like a purse!"

The Decemberists' album "The Crane Wife" is amazing 4:10 a.m. music.

I've been having a conversation with someone that crosses my mind more often than most. Everytime we talk she strikes a chord inside me. Not in a lovey-dovey way just in a gazing fascination sort of way. Everytime we talk I want to drown her in compliments about how she fascinates me and makes me hang on every word...she's adventerous. Our friendship evolved in a lot of ways, starting off straight out of a boring movie based on romantic redundance. She is close with one of my friends, old friends, and the old friend would always tell me not to sweat meeting girls because when I meet this one, I'll forget the rest. Imagine..? I guess what I'm getting at is some people in your life you can seem to fall out of touch with but all it takes is that one talk and you're sewn right back up. I guess I believe in some people that maybe I don't get to be around as much as I'd like to be, that there's potential there.

Random thoughts at 6:29 a.m...

I miss someone.

I hate the thought of estrogen.

I miss the summer.

I love my car.

There isn't a better way to measure a person's advancement in life than to see them learn from their mistakes, be it personally or professionally.

Sufjan Stevens is amazing, thank you, Matt.

For some reason I came home tonight and didn't like me.

The song "Don't Take My Sunshine Away" by Sparklehorse is amazing.

I had the best Christmas of my life this year.

Come to think of it, I had the best birthday of my life, too this year.

Life is crazy, and today I realized it's flying by.

I read interesting things today about single-camera shots in television.

There's no need for reminding, you're still all that matters to me...

What were your top 5 TV shows of 2006?

I'm going to dedicate all top five slots to one show...

"Newbie, if the next two words coming out of your mouth are not "See Ya," then the third word will be "My crotch -- Oh my God, he punched me in my crotch!""

Has anyone ever coined the phrase "self-conquest"? If nobody has I wish to because for some reason I've felt so much weight lift off my shoulders. I don't know what happened to me this year, I mean I can think of about six or seven reasons of why my year sucked but I feel right now. I feel like I went twelve rounds with the toughest battle I've ever met head on and won. I'm just sick of feeling like I'm not in control of my own life. Some things you can't control but conquest comes with understanding, rationality and that stiff upper lip. That ability to take anything on the chin and think "that's all you've got..?" I feel like I've woken up from a nightmare. Life has been haunting me for the past fourteen months. When you've let things like money, bills, work, heartache, loss, jealousy, distrust, narcicism and hate into your heart and soul they will tear you apart from the inside out, trust me. I don't mean this to come off as some redundant victory speech about my experiences but I feel free for the first time in so long. I'm sick of my regrets and I've learned my lessons, one of them being that if some people don't want to be in your life than fuck 'em. I've learned I've made mistakes, taken people for granted, been selfish, been over-expectant, too proud, too annoying, too forceful, too reliant...fuck that... And I've changed for what I believe is the better and I feel centered again. I'm not all over the place like I've been, I can see who and what is here for me in one way or the other. I keep wanting to branch out and I've noticed when I'm with or talking to some people that I'm not searching anymore, that's right where I am is where I want to be. I think that that is the best thing one person can say to another, and from now on shall be my highest compliment.

Dear Rob Thorne and all management of the New Jersey Nets,

     With Nenad Kristic done for the year this is the time that you absolutely have to make some kind of move to put some energy into this team. If you have a chance to acquire Pau Gasol from Memphis, do it! If you're sweating about giving up a first or second round draft pick, I don't understand. You just had two first round picks and got a steal in Hassan Adams in the second round. There is your future. You can probably get Gasol for Jason Collins and/or Jeff McInnis as well as a first or second round pick, just pull the trigger. You must be on crack if you think the team is going anywhere playing the way they are right now. You already have the future in Marcus Williams, Josh Boone, Antione Wright, Hassan Adams, and Bastjan Nachbar. What bums me out in reality is that with a pretty tough schedule coming up these next two weeks, I wouldn't be shocked to say goodbye to Vince if the going gets rough. The roster isn't getting younger and with no dominant team in the east they can make a push with as little as one roster alteration.

Tonight I had to work at the Apple. It poured and it was busy all night and being that it is a holiday night, I didn't make as much as I thought I deserved. Find another person that bitches at $22 an hour... Tomorrow is the Christmas party, I'm looking forward to it. I really like some of the people I work with, some. There are some people that are that "Hysterical Blindness" representation of this town. Tonight after work I came home and showered before going to The Rock for Dave's birthday. It was pretty cool, that place is so loud and gets so packed that Matt and I left at like 12:40 for the diner. It was cool to hang with Mags, Matt, Dave and Sal for most of the night. This girl Leigh Ann I had the only crush on in grammar and high school was there which was cool. I wonder if she remembers me...we used to be friends years and years ago but just grew apart. I just see a crowd of people that I can't ever fit in with when I go out here, I don't know. And I'm not speaking about my friends just people that I don't know even though I recognized them from living in this town forever. The music in the bar was horrible and so loud but it was alright because the last song the DJ played as Matt and I split was "Show Me What You Got" by Jay-Z which has been my only jam this week. P.S. I'm the whitest dude ever. Last minute shopping tomorrow, Sal's, B.A. party...

"I am the Mike Jordan of recording" - Jay

I wish I had the ability to show some people how grateful I am for them. It's the way that good friends always come through for each other, and you might not realize it at that immediate moment but hours or months later you realize you've taken away a lesson. I wish for the health and happiness of my friends and that I was able to contribute an ounce of myself to their lives in a positive sense. Friendship through these years are really difficult sometimes. And if you deny it you're wrong, you know it. I just think that you can try out all of the sides of yourself that you want in your late teen years into your early twenties. Some people change, be it for better or for worse, temporarily, momentarily or permanently. I guess you just have to trust that the core of a person never changes and if they're important to you, than in one way or another that that good will always find a way to shine through.

There's other things I'd like for Christmas such as an uncut version of Garden State. And yes I know, that's twice in two days I've mentioned that movie but I've watched it twice this week and today was the first time I watched the deleted scenes. One scene I wish had made the movie is where Andrew and his father are talking in the room where Andrew's mother drowned. It's all dialogue but the acting is amazing, so much so I stopped moving and was just hanging on the next line. If you have the movie on DVD, watch it with the commentary on and then off. Does anyone have any movie suggestions? Among other things one thing I want to do in 2007 is see history's great movies. Something I never really had a huge interest in and any girl I've ever dated can attest that it took a lot to get me to go see a movie.

I'm a little under the weather and really don't feel like working tonight. The more I do my job the more I see the nonrelevance of it to anything I want to do outside of the money aspect.

Yesterday a board in Brooklyn approved the Atlantic Yards development of a new Nets' arena. Complete with an arena, office towers and apartments by 2009. Apartments, eh? It'll be the first professional sports team in Brooklyn since the Dodgers left in 1957. I guess I'm stoked about it. If you go to Continental Airlines one night and go to The Garden the next the difference is immeasurable. I'm excited about the idea of possibly having a home in Brooklyn at some point in my life. I guess I just salivate at the thought of living somewhere so alive. As for today, working in the rain, brilliant...

Today was a good day. Well then again so was last night, especially because of my friend Michelle. Michelle is a friend I met at a Souls' show last November in New York City, she's a student-teaching, punk rocking, hockey playing Long Island girl. We have what we've determined to call "B.F.F.P." which stands for "Best Friends Forever Potential". She's a cool person. Well, we wound up talking for like an hour last night on the phone and she has an uncanny ability to make me laugh about the most random shit. She had to go through something that absolutely no one deserves, she lost one of her friends in a car accident way before his time. She talked about him and he must have been one hell of a good guy because this past weekend Michelle and her friends through the second annual Jared Fest on Long Island, using the money earned towards a music scholarship for a student on the Island. It blew me away, it just made me think that God-forbid anything like that happened to me or someone I knew, I just want to be remembered the way that she remembers him. It makes you think about life and it's unpredictability. Think about Andrew Larchman in Garden State: "it's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter-inch piece of plastic". Jared passed before his time but Michelle told me about his love of music and how many peoples' lives he has effected both through that and through his friendship. Living life in music I believe is one way of living life to it's absolute fullest, and I think that's what we all want, right? We hung up around 5 and I fell asleep in my bed.

I woke up today and felt like crap and along with Charlie Meluso decided that the best way to treat a sick body is to stuff it with some extremely unhealthy food. We headed off to Checkers in Jersey City where I had my usual #1 Nascar Combo which is a large fries and coke with a triple cheeseburger with a ton of toppings and condiments along with a chili-cheeseburger. We ate in Lincoln Park while listening to Jay-Z and felt tough.

On the drive back to the house my ticket rep Suzanne called me and asked if I wanted a sweet seat for the game tonight so I obliged naturally. I was pretty stoked for the game tonight and it lived up to the hype. If you haven't seen Lebron James play in person you are missing something. Even watching him in shooting practice you can just see the talent. During shoot around Mikki Moore of the Nets was nice enough to sign about 100 autographs for absolutely everyone that asked for one, including me. Really nice guy too and his hair is cool as hell. After warmups Chubby Checker sang the National Anthem and they tipped off the game. In the first minute Larry Hughes tossed up a sick ollie-oop to Lebron which will definitely be on Sportscenter tonight. Four minutes into the first quarter who walks in the arena but Jay-Z and Beyonce,who drew a solid ovation from our section. Ok, another thing, if you haven't seen Beyonce Knowles in person than you are really missing something. I looked at Jay-Z and for the first time since I met Mark Hoppus and Tom Delonge my freshman year of high school, I was actually star-shocked. I was just thinking "damn, that's fucking Jay, H to the OV, he used to move snowflakes by the O. Z.". He sat courtside and it was awesome to see how these huge NBA stars would walk over and need to shake his hand. During three straight foul shots in the third him, Vince and Lebron were just talking...imagine their combined wealth. The game was amazing, it went back and forth. In the second quarter Ciara and Missy Elliot walked in and it suddenly felt like the Source awards, well what I imagine the Source awards would be like. Totally awesome. I left out that the NBA presented Jason Kidd with a plaque and artwork before tipoff to recognize him moving into third place on the all-time NBA triple-double list and that was awesome to see. I guess it's so cool to me because I see these players in person more than I see most of my friends. These games have been so much fun, amazing investment...

"It's good for your soul to invest in something you can't control".

The game came down to the final second as Lebron in the fourth was almost unstoppable but not enough to topple huge performances by the entire Net team. Every player got involved, especially the bench. At that game I felt like I really was at the place to be, as really childish as that might sound it was so much of a show tonight. It was the best game I've been to thus far, in any sport. Thank you Suzanne.

Afterwards I met up with Liz and Nora at the diner and we drank coffee and ate french fries which was...interesting.

I hate going to sleep knowing that I have to work the next day. It makes me want to stay up and write forever while listening to the new Bloc Party record because it is really good and it's setting the tone right now. I'm going to wrap it up and watch a movie because I'm getting started early on resolutions.

Last night I had a dream that I was with the girl I want to be with.

I recollect two things:

1) I held her tightly in my arms crossing a street at night thinking to myself "the whole world fits inside of my arms".

2) We walked into a building and she lit a cigarette, and this girl detests smoking.

She'd be mad when I'd smoke in front of her when we were together. And I never did until right before we broke up, and it was because I thought I was a bad ass and wasn't going to change something. This was immaturity as if it needed clarification. Was the thought of her smoking some kind of representation of the stress I've caused her? Earlier I had been talking to Nora about having that rock, that one person that is 200% behind you. A lot of time I see that with people, especially but not limited to relationships. That person. Well as much as an asshole as I probably sounded to one of my best friends last night I don't have that rock. There's only one person who could be that, the smoking non-smoker. Instead I feel like I'm being pushed into a metaphorical crypt of cardboard under her bed which might as well have "you're dead to me" encrypted in Sharpie. I don't want to be that, I just want her to stick around.